Yes, I am still alive and well, folks. I know it seemed like I dropped off the face of the earth, but I promise that I am still here. No alien abduction, unless you count the three- and almost-two-year-old aliens in my house. ;-) The truth is that my absence can be attributed to two things: The continuation of the most drama-filled year of my life thus far, and my own reluctance to turn the page in my adoption story. We are about to embark on events that have transpired in the last 12 months, and honestly… It is very emotionally draining to go there! It's going to be good, though—so let's get on with it! J
Let me start by updating you all on what has happened with Jan since the time that I last wrote about. Once I realized how childish I had been toward Jan—whether to her face or just in my own heart—and how hard I had been trying to shove our relationship into some preformed mold, I was really able to let go of a lot of those things. My stress level, at least in regard to that relationship, plummeted. I was able to just really enjoy Jan for who she is, and enjoy our relationship for what it is. We now talk about once a month or once every other month, and we see each other a few times a year, and I really look forward to each interaction. And yes, I call her "Grandma Jan" to Gracie and Matt. And it is a wonderfully unique thing that they get to experience that most kids don't—having a whole extra grandma! J
Jan is a fun, intelligent person, and I have to say that in some ways I really like that our views don't always line up. It is very interesting to talk about the areas where we have differences and be able to intelligently discuss our points of view and gain a better understanding of where we both stand. And I truly mean where we BOTH stand—as much as I am better able to understand her thoughts and perspectives, talking to her about these issues also helps me to understand my own thoughts and feelings better as well. Have I already mentioned that I am really enjoying the new life this relationship has taken on?
It sounds like a great ending to the story, doesn't it? And it is—well, it's not an ending, really. It's still very much going on. But you know what I mean. J That part of my life is finally feeling settled and comfortable. My adoption story has worked itself out.
But then again… there's the issue of my birth father. The door had been closed quite firmly back in 2001 with his e-mail that basically said, "Thanks but no thanks. Don't ever contact me again." But then, on September 5, 2007, I got an e-mail from Janet—the woman who had helped me to find Frank—that threw that door wide open.