Oh my GOODNESS, it's been far too long since I picked up my story. I am so sorry. How do you all put up with me??? Well, here I am now, avoiding the laundry that is calling my name, ignoring the fact that I am taking three trips in the next month and haven't even started thinking about them, refusing to see the dust gathering on the furniture. I have a blog that demands attention! J
Well, I'm sure you don't want me to get off on a huge tangent here, so I'll try to keep this part of the story as brief as possible. I went to lunch that day with Jon, his half-brother, and my cousin. Needless to say, she and I didn't have any deep conversation about her relationship with her destructive boyfriend. But during that lunch… oh yeah, and another one a week later… I realized that I was not quite over my childhood crush on Jon. Between that and some mad matchmaking skills of my cousin, Jon and I went on our first date on January 29, 2000.
That date was followed by a second and a third and… well, you get the idea. J After several years of dating and wondering how I would know when I had met "the one", I realized just how easy it could be. Within two months we were talking about marriage, and Jon officially popped the question on May 20, 2000. We were married on February 17, 2001, and have been living happily ever after ever since! J
Anyway, while we were engaged, we went to visit Jan. I honestly don't remember when she first met him—but I'm pretty sure this visit wasn't the first time. I could be wrong, though. But either way, there we were, an awkward little foursome: me, Jon, Jan, and Roommate Pam. Whether or not it was the first time Jan had met my husband-to-be, it was definitely the first time I had visited her—she had always come to me. And one thing became very obvious very fast: it was a two-bedroom duplex where only one bedroom was being used.
Yes, I'd had my suspicions, but I don't think I really believed them—or maybe I just didn't really want to face them. But now there was no question. And it became even more evident the next day when Pam came to me and Jon and said, "There are some things that Jan wants to talk to Katy about privately. She's uncomfortable to say anything, but I don't mind telling you—she needs some time alone with you." So later that day the four of us went somewhere and decided for some reason that it was better to take two cars… so I rode with Jan and Jon rode with Pam.
And that was when we had the talk.
"I think it's important that you know… that I am gay," she told me.
"I know," I said.
Why do we always think we're better secret keepers than we are? I remember trying to keep things from my parents as a child and teenager… they always knew. I think Jan honestly believed that no one had any inkling of her orientation. But the signs were all there, and it didn't take a genius to put the pieces together.
Anyway, it was an odd conversation, and it was one that could have ended a fragile relationship, but it didn't. I was honest with Jan about my view of homosexuality, but I also assured her that I disapproved of her lifestyle and not of her as a person. I have any number of flaws and sinful struggles, and if someone chose to just label and view me as one of my struggles, they probably wouldn't waste their time on me. But I would hope that people chose to see beyond those flaws and love me anyway. That's how I feel about Jan. I continue to wrestle with her stance on homosexuality and her view of Christianity (and there will be more on that later…), but I also continue to love her. And ultimately, it was good to not wonder anymore. It was nice to have all of the facts out on the table, you know?